WASHINGTON, D.C. was created for the sole purpose of allowing George Washington to keep his slaves!!! In my continuing effort to balance the babbling bullish that the American educational system has heaped upon us all, I've decided to pontificate about the so-called "father" of our country and his factual place in history as a lying, cheating slave owner.

There has been incredible controversy swirling around since the recent discovery of the bodies of George Washington's slaves in Center City Philadelphia at the site designated as the new home of the Liberty Bell. This uncovering has put historical scholars in an uncomfortable position and I'm loving every minute of it. They're literally at a loss for words in front of the cameras and fear that the truth will become more well known. They don't want to formally acknowledge or incorporate this fact into the new visitor's center but why not? Don't we have an obligation to accurately chronicle our past? Well I'm here to add to their fears!

Ol' Wood Teeth lived right on Market Street (then known as High Street) in Philly along with his slaves in the President's House from 1790 to 1797 when Philadelphia was the center of the new American nation. The problem for him was that Pennsylvania was the first colony to outlaw slavery, ten years earlier in 1780. Because of this, Washington flat out lied and claimed that he was actually a resident of Virginia where slavery was still legal. Obviously the revolutionary heads saw his ass every day and knew he was full of ish but turned a blind eye to his misrepresentations. The Quakers were another story and proved to be a royal pain in George's ass. They pressed the point that legal residency was established in PA after six months and at that time he would be required to relinquish his slaves. So what did Washington do? He made sure to go on vacation out of state every time his six months were approaching, slaves in tow to skirt the law. Oh, by the way, several of those slaves were underage, in direct violation of state law.

Tired of the pressure from the abolitionists (Philly was the center of the movement), Washington devised the plan to create the District of Columbia as the nation's capital because the land was in the South where slavery was still an acceptable practice. I find it more than a coincidence that the nation's eventual capital was named after Washington and Columbus, the leaders of the two movements most responsible for the stealing of Native American land and the demise of the 500 nations that already existed here (they even jacked the Iroquois Constitution and flipped it as their own).

Washington eventually gave in to public pressure and replaced his Philly slaves with indentured servants from Germany but still kept hundreds of slaves on his Mount Vernon plantation in Virginia. Washington, D.C. replaced the 215 as the cap city according to plan and future presidents were cleared to live in the White House or more appropriately the Caucasian House.

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Article by Funk Wizard Snow
Editor- PhillyHipHop.com
June, 2002